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Aries |
Mar 21 - Apr 20 |
The Two Fact System for Talking to Women.
First, ask 'Do you have a vagina?'
Fact 1: Women like to talk about themselves.
After she has answered, shout 'Prove it you stupid whore!'
Fact 2: Chicks dig jerks. |
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Libra |
Sept 23 - Oct 23 |
| If you don't eat those cheese burgers their population will overrun us and burgers are no good at leading, look at Mayor McCheese, he is nothing but a puppet for the McDonald's corporation. |
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Taurus |
Apr 21 - May 21 |
| Good Parenting Tip #45:
break all the major bones in your childs body as the healed result is stronger than the origin bone! |
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Scorpio |
Oct 24 - Nov 21 |
If this ain't love - Why does it feel so good?
Orgasms |
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Gemini |
May 22 - June 21 |
| Anything can happen in the next half hour! |
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Sagittarius |
Nov 22 - Dec 20 |
| Friends and coworkers will discover that you have
a big heart, with which you use to pump large amounts of bitterness and anger around your body. |
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Cancer |
June 22 - July 22 |
| No amount of CPR and shouting 'live damn you, live' is going to bring the resuscitation test dummy back to life |
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Capricorn |
Dec 21 - Jan 20 |
| Attempts to lighten the mood in the amputee ward with a game of Twister(tm) will quickly end in stalemate.
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Leo |
July 23 - Aug 22 |
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Aquarius |
Jan 21 - Feb 19 |
| While it may seem that the entire human race would
have much happier if you had never existed the number of people is much closer 3 000 000 000. The rest dont care either way. |
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Virgo |
Aug 23 - Sept 22 |
| 'Join the Space Corps,' they said. 'See the galaxy,' they said. But here you are still mutilating cattle and anally probing rednecks. |
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Pisces |
Feb 20 - Mar 20 |
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