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Aries |
Mar 21 - Apr 20 |
| Delivering food packages to the needy is admirable. Training killer bees to deliver food packages is admirably diabolical. |
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Libra |
Sept 23 - Oct 23 |
| Life likes to throw things in your face. She's bitchy like that. |
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Taurus |
Apr 21 - May 21 |
| If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you? Taurus seems to believe you would. |
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Scorpio |
Oct 24 - Nov 21 |
| A time machine is supposed to do more than merely tell the time.
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Gemini |
May 22 - June 21 |
| There is probably a rational explanation for why your tea leaves keep forming images of Kenny Rogers licking a giant squid.
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Sagittarius |
Nov 22 - Dec 20 |
| That itch on your left elbow is not trying to tell you anything at all. However, that repeated poke in the ribs with a firearm is.
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Cancer |
June 22 - July 22 |
| You will finally have a nickel for every time you heard that. |
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Capricorn |
Dec 21 - Jan 20 |
| There's a thin line between pleasure and pain, drawn with chocolate milk and battery acid. |
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Leo |
July 23 - Aug 22 |
| Times are tough, especially waking time, and living in a box in an alley eating rats time. |
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Aquarius |
Jan 21 - Feb 19 |
| If you build it they will come. If you fill it with piranhas they will not stay for long. |
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Virgo |
Aug 23 - Sept 22 |
| Your irrational fear of cream filled donuts will soon be rationalized.
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Pisces |
Feb 20 - Mar 20 |
| While it is theoretically possible to form a black hole entirely from lego men heads, it is both impractical and immensely stupid. |
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