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Aries |
Mar 21 - Apr 20 |
| Spread a little happiness around the place by thinking happy thoughts when you shoot yourself
in the head. |
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Libra |
Sept 23 - Oct 23 |
| Everyone is good at something, unfortunately for you being inadequate is your skill. |
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Taurus |
Apr 21 - May 21 |
| Lie down, and place a paper bag over your head. The need for this will become apparent soon. |
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Scorpio |
Oct 24 - Nov 21 |
| Your witty comment about "Four walls does not a prison make", will cause the gaoler to move you to a triangle shaped cell. |
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Gemini |
May 22 - June 21 |
| After years of annoying your co-workers with MENSA
logic puzzles they will kill you in your completely sealed room in less than 10 minutes using only some rope, and a lit candle. |
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Sagittarius |
Nov 22 - Dec 20 |
| Give a little something back to your community, consider returning that young girl you kidnapped. |
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Cancer |
June 22 - July 22 |
| The small place deep down inside you that believed that you would one day be happy has finally died. There will be no funeral. |
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Capricorn |
Dec 21 - Jan 20 |
| Its time to let go of your current love intrest because holding their neck like that is cutting off their air supply. |
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Leo |
July 23 - Aug 22 |
| No, its not an April Fools Prank, the stars have deciced that your destiny really is to grow the largest octopus in the world and use it to steal the stone heads on Easter Island. |
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Aquarius |
Jan 21 - Feb 19 |
| The Mothership has arrived. |
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Virgo |
Aug 23 - Sept 22 |
| The war is over, you can go home now. |
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Pisces |
Feb 20 - Mar 20 |
| C is for cookie. Discuss using 3000-5000 words. |
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