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Aries |
Mar 21 - Apr 20 |
| Mercury has risen into the house of Venus and Jupiter has moved into alignment with Neptune. You, on the other hand, have wasted the the entire
month rotting away in you bedroom. |
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Libra |
Sept 23 - Oct 23 |
| You will be lead astray by somone claiming to know the future using a system based on the position of the stars and planets. |
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Taurus |
Apr 21 - May 21 |
| It's time to use your brains as well as your brawn, bash your head against next problem you encounter.
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Scorpio |
Oct 24 - Nov 21 |
| Look before you leep, unless of course you are leaping into a bottomless pit, then there is probably no point. |
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Gemini |
May 22 - June 21 |
| Run for the hills. There you will meet a short pale friend who will want money. Use only small denominations. |
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Sagittarius |
Nov 22 - Dec 20 |
| Light Showers in the morning turning to heavy rain as the day progresses. A maximum temperature of 14°. |
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Cancer |
June 22 - July 22 |
| Now while the stars admit that drinking an entire
bottle of whiskey without vomiting is impressive, you should stop telling people that you are the messiah. |
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Capricorn |
Dec 21 - Jan 20 |
| They know you are not taking your medication. |
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Leo |
July 23 - Aug 22 |
| Your wild Playboy ways come to an end when you switch to reading Penthouse. |
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Aquarius |
Jan 21 - Feb 19 |
| You will go directly to jail, not passing GO and not collecting $200. |
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Virgo |
Aug 23 - Sept 22 |
| An indecisive month, sometimes you will appear as a wave and other times as a particle. The more
people know about your speed the less they know about your direction. This causes confusion amoung
your classical physicist friends. |
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Pisces |
Feb 20 - Mar 20 |
| Surround yourself with friends and loved-ones, this will make it harder for the snipers to get a clear shot. |
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