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Aries |
Mar 21 - Apr 20 |
| The voices of your ancestors call to you in your sleep. A thousand ancient memories clamber for audience in your head. In short, you're a raving loon. |
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Libra |
Sept 23 - Oct 23 |
| Don't struggle, you'll only sink deeper. |
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Taurus |
Apr 21 - May 21 |
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Scorpio |
Oct 24 - Nov 21 |
| Mars is parked illegally outside your star-sign. Call the counsel to get it towed. |
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Gemini |
May 22 - June 21 |
| Gamble all your money on a horse called `Speedy'. If you clean up, I get 30%. If you lose, it simply wasn't meant to be. |
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Sagittarius |
Nov 22 - Dec 20 |
| Roll 2 dice. Roll them again. Roll them once more. Was that fun? |
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Cancer |
June 22 - July 22 |
| Heel. Toe. Heel. Toe. Twirl. |
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Capricorn |
Dec 21 - Jan 20 |
| There are things in this universe we are not meant to understand; like bureaucracy and pop-culture. |
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Leo |
July 23 - Aug 22 |
| Cut the red wire, THE RED WIRE!!! |
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Aquarius |
Jan 21 - Feb 19 |
| 1 part tequila.
1 part kerosine.
2 parts concrete.
shake well.
do not serve. |
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Virgo |
Aug 23 - Sept 22 |
| This week you may lose a loved one, or you may not. You may win the lottery, you may have to make an important life-affecting decision, or you may not. Don't ask me how I do it, it's a gift. |
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Pisces |
Feb 20 - Mar 20 |
| Meta key and Window's key live together in perfect harmony side by side on my PC keyboard, oh lord, why don't we? |
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