Horoscopes


Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 20

Row, row, row you boat
Gently down the stream
No-one would notice if you drowned

Libra

Sept 23 - Oct 23

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey, along came a spider and sat down beside her and slipped some Ketamine into her drink...

Taurus

Apr 21 - May 21

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe She had so many kids she didn't know what to do.
The stupid people are breeding en masse.

Scorpio

Oct 24 - Nov 21

Baa, baa black sheep have you any wool?
Nah, I'z on tha welfare. An I din' steal none uh ya white wool neither!

Gemini

May 22 - June 21

Mary had a little lamb its fleece as white as cum. Get hot XXX pics of Mary and her sheep at maryhadahotxxxlambsex.com FREE! NO POP-UPS!

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 20

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep because the white sheep trade is alive and well in 21st century.

Cancer

June 22 - July 22

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry and made their parents file sexual harassment lawsuits.

Capricorn

Dec 21 - Jan 20

Mary, Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow?
With fluorescent lamps and pH controlled soil this marijuana crop will be ready in 2 months.

Leo

July 23 - Aug 22

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This line doesn't rhyme,
I guess that makes me an artist

Aquarius

Jan 21 - Feb 19

Rub a dub-dub, three men in a tub, why are you watching gay porno?

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sept 22

Incey Wincey spider climbed up the water spout, He then began to snipe at the mall dwellers with his high-powered rifle.

Pisces

Feb 20 - Mar 20

Jack Sprat could eat no fat because he had cystic fibrosis, his wife could eat no lean because she was a fat chick.