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Mar 21 - Apr 20

You may be pleasantly surprised this week by a friend or loved one. If you have no friends or loved ones, you may be pleasantly surprised anyway.


Sept 23 - Oct 23

Your thumbnail icon isn't as interresting as those of the other signs, and likewise neither are you.


Apr 21 - May 21

You should really stop doing that. It's disgusting and dirty.


Oct 24 - Nov 21

Things are not looking up today. You will not have relationship problems and will not be visited by mysterious strangers.


May 22 - June 21

Both of you are going to do all sorts of things, but before you do, think of the consequences. Then do them anyway.


Nov 22 - Dec 20

Some time this week you will be hungry. Eating is a temporary solution. The problem is eternal.


June 22 - July 22

There is someone behind you. Don't turn around, or they will merely disappear. Look around for something you can defend yourself with (anything sharp will do).


Dec 21 - Jan 20

Tonight you will be swamped by guests. Cook for fourty.


July 23 - Aug 22



Jan 21 - Feb 19

The cops still don't know it was you, but it's only a matter of time. Put your last hours of freedom to good use.


Aug 23 - Sept 22

Walk down to the corner dairy or service station. Buy whipped cream, chocolate sauce, a roll of duct tape, and rubber gloves. Give the attendant a wink.


Feb 20 - Mar 20

There is some annoying debris in your constellation this week and it's mucking up everything.