The moon is a great god, but knows nothing about when things happen. A dozen a day keeps the memories away. It's just like riding a bike; you can't afford a car, and walking takes too long. Winners use drugs (and get disqualified). Please turn over. Smoke me a Herring, we're all out of kippers. It is proven that depression causes accidents (like suicide). Life's a beach; it's full of obese women, broken bottles and vicious crabs. Don't listen to me, I just pick a random line out of a text file and print it. Shake well before shaking. Keep out of reach of people. During sad hour, drinks are twice the price. Where there's smoke there's a barbeque. We're heading for a gold-plated era in human society where everything seems great on the outside but deep down things are just as bad as they always were. When hell freezes over all the devils become evil snowmen. There is a name for my pain, and it is tech support. The arm bone's connected to the wrist bone, the wrist bone's connected to the hand bone, the hand bone's connected to the beer bone. 1000 bottles of beer on the wall, 1000 bottles of beer! (drool). If you are reading this line, it is already too late. Psst, there is a hideous demon under your desk, dont move or it will start chewing on your foot. With the power vested in me, I pronounce you 'dead on arrival'. Has anyone else noticed that 'sehcool looches' is a palindrome? This is not a correct. This space has been intentionally left blank. One Short Of A Llama - Copyright 19100. You dont exist, Go away. Please do not eat the indigenous people of this land. * <--- a sign of the times. People just dont take the time to cackle uncontrollably anymore. [ An error occurred while processing this directive ] Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit. I'm too lame to read babble.txt Beware the effluent-green Ford Escort of doom! The bsod(1) program is the finest in personal computer emulation. The cost of any software product is directly proportional to the amount of marketing waffle included in the product's launch. Instead of trying to eliminate deadly diseases, encourage more benign ones. I am allergic to life, it causes me to break out in cynicism. One beer to rule them all, one beer to find them, one beer to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. Incoherence in the face of danger TILT Beer is actually proof that God can only stand us when we are drunk. I tried to take my medication but the space aliens keep hiding the bottle. I scream as fast as my legs can carry me. Don't try this at home kids, try this at someone else's home that way they have to clean up the mess. The truth will set you free; unfortunately the conditions of you release required that you be sedated at all times. Truth has no place in a modern society. Only the finest corners have been cut in the making of this message Game Over Player1 Bridge to Engine room; engage 3rd gear You are doing this deliberately aren't you The Mothership has arrived Meanwhile in a secret fortress deep within the mountain side... We are the .com in .com-pletely stupid Every day I grow colder. I have bled so very much for you. You have already lost. Well that leaves my taste-buds hungering for less. Everything you remember will only end up getting used in your nightmares. I don't trust that chicken Look before you loop I want to live the lie Ponder the sound of one head banging repeatedly against a wall. Roses are red / Violets are blue / This line doesn't rhyme / I guess that means I'm an artist All in all we're just disembodied clown heads *(=D Its a small world, you can easily hate all of it If you're happy and you know it, shut up. Write once, crash anywhere Dolly did it In case of emergency place paper bag over head and think happy thoughts With no remorse I want to square dance Rage Against the Washing-Machine Nnnngh! While everything you believe is wrong, at least you're consistent I can see you... Are you SEEING DOUBLE, both EXACTLY the SAME THING? Are you an EARLY BIRD in the LATE SHIFT? Are you a DIFFERENT PERSON every day yet making the SAME MISTAKES? They were just dreams Okay officer, I'll go quietly. While it would look good on my resume', I'm not responsible for every weirdo out there Don't believe the hype, life is not worth it. Now while I admit that your drinking of an entire bottle of whiskey without vomiting is impressive, you really should stop telling people that you are the messiah You are not normal. He didn't know he was playing, but in the end everyone is in the game whether they like it or not. I have a beer, maybe thats all I need to be free Tickets please You've got snail! I only like you when you are suffering Life is not a gift, it is a punishment Its not suicide if you don't have a life to being with Nobody loves me, everybody hates me I going down to the garden to kill myself I hate me Lets just pretend this never happened All fucked up and no place to die Mr Eddie said it was OK If you can see this message we have control of your mind Ya pays yer money, and ye takes yer chances You are the weak link in the food chain I need a beer, actually I need about 8 beers and a nice quiet place. Time heals all wounds, but it leaves ugly, ugly scars. There are two sides to every towel Forgive or forget, but never both. One Short Of A Llama - Powered By Geeks One Short Of A Llama - Following the crowd from a safe distance so that we could pick off the old and weak since 1995 He doesn't like you I don't like you either Forgiveness is Weakness Now is the time to take longer strides They were just dreams Memo from Management: Productivity has reached an all time high, more useless meetings will be scheduled to compensate. I'm on a mission from God. The opinions expressed herein are not those of my employer Semi-automatic rifle beats rock An apple a day builds up your resistance to insecticide. Its not whether you win or lose.. it whether you make money from it. You can't keep a good man down.. unless you shoot him in the knee caps Test Smoking is not permitted on this Kipper Im sorry sir, this is a non-smoking Kipper Smoke me a Kipper, I'll be home for a Midnight-Snack Smoke me a Kipper, I'll be home for tea and scones (and Kippers) Smoke me a Kipper, I'll be home for Breakfast Smoke me a Kipper, I'll be home for Brunch Smoke me one of those fine Cuban Kippers Well this reminds me of the time the US Airforce shot down Santa Body Piercing? bleh, the only metal I want in my woman is shrapnel Body Piercing? bleh, the only metal I want in my woman is a 386 Body Piercing? bleh, the only metal I want in my woman are hollow points Body Piercing? bleh, the only metal I want on my woman are handcuffs Body Piercing? bleh, the only metal I want in my woman is Skylab 2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2 Hit any user to continue. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk? ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports. Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once... USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue. I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation. A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken. C program run. C program crash. C programmer cry. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Shake well before running away screaming Suicide is painless, unless you forgot to sharpen the knife Suicide is painless, unless you didn't train the chicken well enough Nowhere is only somewhere in relation to somewhere else, the somewhere else is inside a big nowhere. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure gonna eat it! I don't know what it is, but I'm sure gonna marry it! You know you're in trouble when reality won't return any of you're phone calls. You're not seeing double, it's just two different Life sessions.. Never give a programmer anything sharper than a keyboard When I die I'm going to haunt IRC I have a love/hate relationship with Windows 95. I hate it. It loves to make me hate it. Dont say sorry to me, say sorry to his moose! If you can type clearly, you haven't drunk nearly enough coke! Time for some printf() debugging Don't stand next to the naked guy I never crash my car, it just causes road exceptions. God will release 'Life Plus-pack', but not before millions of people have crashed Society supports long family names Programmers are nocturnal by necessity. It's evolution XT cpu chips are endangered species. If you see one crawling around your house, please dont squash it It's against my religion to be logical Success is getting your program to run one more time than it crashes. And the universe was divided into light and MSDOS Windows has detected the following devices: God, User do you want Windows to install drivers for these devices? He who controls the corn controls the hoedown! When in doubt, empty the magazine The source of all of life's problems is the fact that it is plug'n'play. Life is just the shareware version of immortality Shake well before going completely insane Shake well before detonating Success is 1% inspiration and 99% borowed code Welcome to the Schizophrenic Hotline, its 3 dollars for the first personality and 2 dollars for each additional personality Computers are logical machines built by illogical people in an illogical universe, so give them a break, o.k Thanks for sharing You're soaking in it Don't be scared when you find yourself talking to a rock. Be scared when it talks back! Never smile at a crocodile, or a lawyer, or a politician. Smiling at inanimate objects is alright though. Don't try this at home kids, don't even try this near home. Live hard, die. Curiosity shot the cat in the head with his boomstick If it weren't for reality, we'd all be knee-deep in chickens by now Reality is always just around the corner When on Romulus do what the Romulans do. Save me How do you stamp a french letter? Can you grow birds by planting birdseed? If you melt dry-ice can you swim in it without getting wet? Coke, don't leave home without it Let your fingers do the stalking When unable to escape from reality, a conversation with the little people always helps. Don't be so retrospective, you may walk into something. Four score and seven years ago people spoke really silly english Mince; its high in vitamin M Guns and Knives aren't dangerous, the people who play with them are! If parasites could argue we wouldn't need politicians Don't fear the reaper, fear Barry Manilow Stalkers aren't evil, it's just their way of showing they care. And now the screaming starts. Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration If at first you don't succeed, try some performance enhancing drugs See rear for instructions. When does the hurting stop. If this had been a real emergency, we would have all fled in terror, and you would not have been notified. The boy that cried 'Wolf!' became a millionaire on royalties That's not kosher Those who never accept advice are either perfect or programmers Surf the net between the flags Rotational inertia and zero-friction makes the world go 'round Shoot me! Don't make any sudden movements Politicians; can't live with 'em, can't bury them alive Why not? Let you're hear down Congealed exit ahead Slippery when what? Shake well before opening Lather, rince, repeat If I could reach you I would hurt you. Oh!, wait!, no! Why don't we use a plan that Works! Watch this space. Through rape, pillage, looting and bloody slaughter, Ghengiz Khan found peace and happiness. Women and children thirst Don't point that thing at me 'Ray! Being a trained assassin means never having to say you're sorry. Being a serial killer means never having to say you're sorry. Being the Lord of Darkness means never having to say you're sorry. Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry. Being alone and completely unloveable means never have to say you're sorry. Volume in drive C in has a JERRY LEWIS error (F)reundleben (H)oyle (Y)eah bye. Make sure you're the one with the knife. The amoeba are restless. Infininty, its a long way to walk. Nnnnnngh! You can tell an OSOAL programmer by his unoptimised code, you can tell an OSOAL programmer any-where. What goes around comes around (or falls around, like sky-lab) I can't watch... This is where the Dere and the Buffalo foam. it sort of grows on you, like a fungus. If you love your computer set it free. If it stays, fine. If it moves be very worried! If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times, I repeat myself. I take pain in a bad way, usually through the face. They don't make them like they used to, its illegal. Give me a cure for the pain Put your left foot in... Never smile at a crocodile The end justifies the spleens Beware of Greeks wearing dinosaur suits If it can eat you it can hurt you Whenever your PC speaker beeps a programmer gets his wings. Your worst enemy is your own mind, so smash it to bits with this hammer. You were the last person I expected to see. Do not apply orally. Shake well with toupe' on. In space, no-one can hear you make funny noises with your armpits If snakes could talk we wouldn't need lawyers. Watch out, its a really vicious bunny! A man without a pentium is no man at all. Life isn't like a slab of corn-beef. Run for the hills... They're coming from the hills, run away from the hills... You tend to go paranoid when everyone around you gets dead. Who WAS that masked man? Dob in thy neighbour Don't stand next to the naked guy. Those who enjoy inflicting pain and hardship on others are not Gods people, but Bill Gates's staff. Bill be nimble, Bill be quick, Bill run away from the frustrated DOS users... Hoyle Is it morphin' time yet papa Manga? Harold the happy- was a sausage, harold the happy- had no hair, of cause harold was not unhappy at this because no normal sausages have any hair... Take us to your lizard. Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do with your hands tied behind your back and a thermo-nuclear melon balanced on your chin.. All that is required is a quick darting movement. What do you mean a large bison approaching? Can i call you dadoo? Thyme is money. We prepare for Llamas-day, the day of the fluffy Land-mammal... Don't seek to compete with others, compete with yourself, though this may be rather embarrassing in public areas. Anarky, Piece, Insanity. (OSOAL WILL PREVAIL!...) Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder (I, II and III) Shake well with cap on. Home is where the coffee is. My P.C is my temple. Millions of Icons, Icons for me. Millions of Icons, Icons for free... She's DOS, she's DOS, she's DOS, she's in my RAM... There can be only 81.3 Behold, the seven deadly sines... I have a pain in the diodes all down my left side. I can see this is a relationship that we are all going to have to work on! In the English country-side no one can hear you scream. If cleanliness is next to godliness, what happened to D,E and F? Oh no! I don't have Pan-Dimensional Multi-Phased Particle Alignment Unit on me, but this hammer will do just fine! If you are going to do anything dangerous, make sure people who will find it impressive are watching. That will tingle, then bleed. Peaches are fun, peaches are great, peaches sometimes roll off your plate! Peaches are yellow, peaches aren't white, peaches sometimes give you a fright! Using the powers of the universe I can change the channel without the remote. Oooh Eeeh Aaaah, We've got your wallet and we're not going to give it back. Do try this at home kids. Its that time again! The end of the world will come when they invent adult-proof caps. Do what bill? What's that then? What's that do then? That's clever Why's that then? Pray to the Monkey and the love-smack Jack Pointless Game NO.7: Eye-Spy for the blind Windows(tm) is the icon of sin. Buy OSOAL, it twists your mindz and tones your abs at the same thyme! General health tip: Don't catch diseases May the Farce be with you Just when you think you're in the clear, a giant anvil lands on your head Man cannot live by spam alone. You are targeted for Llamanation. The Brady-Bunch was a front for the US Government's exploration of the military possibilities of flares. are you taking medication for that? Commit euthanasia, the new craze! Put your friends out-of their misery before they're in it! When you think your in the pits, remember those poor bastards that work for MicroSoft... There's a class 'A' reconaisance robot out to find you. Don't beet around the shrubbery. Shouldn't you be doing something useful right now? Knock and the door will open, seek and you will find, ask and you'll be told to sod off... We do the Messiah's holy work, and for minimum wage we do his house work What is the sound of one tentacle clapping? WINERROR#56, Reality is currently conflicting with Windows, would you like Windows to attempt to shut down reality (y/n) The system requirements for Life(tm) are: a body, a brain, MIND(tm) bios. Do you need to upgrade? Life(tm) error P3102, personality not supported Life(tm) error R9046, multi-tasking failed, system not schizophrenic Life(tm) error R4113, out of system memory, please forget childhood Life(tm) error P2758, "mouth" device IRQ is conflicting with device "nose" You may try the Free-ware version of Life(tm) for 30 days, after which your lungs will fail. Ex! Sippy! Don't brake my UART, my achey brakey UART,... I can't do that, the Potato King wont let me. I liek spam, it x-ites me That waz left handed The only reason coffee is made is for me to drink it. Don't take 'GNU' for an answer They do it with mirrors. The lite at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow... Sleep with one fIle open. Two's company, 3's a clown. The only good In-jun is a six-cylinder In-jun. I'm not pished. I'm just flexible! Don't pay the fairy-man (he's a fairy!) Hell no, we won't glow! If I had six oranges in one hand, and six oranges in the other hand do I have small oranges or big hands? He who controls the printf()'s controls the text output! Beware the evil save routines of DarkAges(tm) Igs hunt Ogs and Ogs go Quock. A good foot will serve you well, a bad one will kick you in the head. Sometimes you lose, but this only means you didn't cheat well enough. It is dangerous to assume that people can be trusted to behave in a rational way Nobody loves an Eyeore, or Bill Gates Watch where you're going, it might not be there when you look away... Attilla the Hun was just misunderstood. Raisins are just suntanned grapes. Shhhh, they're recording every sound you make... Howdilly doodilly doo 01100010 01010101 01011001 00101101 01100011 01001111 01001011 01100101 A mercenary Amoeba from Wibble-Qn9 has taken over your best friend's body They come out after dark, from the woods... They're warping reality in those reactors, it's unnatural I tell you! A Horse is of course a morse Norse gorse sauce Horse Help I'm a rock Info-mercials are tools of the devil! Is there an Afterloaf? All you need is Spam... da da da-da daaa, all you need is Spam... Stop salivating!, and clean up that mess! Don't under-estimate the flavour of the sauce Hear the sound... of one hand clapping Your mind needs a level 4 diagnostic. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens when you tie toast (butter-side up) to the back of a falling cat? Look over your shoulder, Big Brother is watching you! See your doktor if pain persists. I null terminate for no-one. I don't understand. Wunce undir a tyme thair was a red and bloo and horze... No matter how bad-off you are, there's always someone more unfortunate than you are. So go and find them and laugh at them, you'll feel better. I wanna go home now U skair me. Smells like a drain. Treat other people with respect (or a good general anaesthetic) I'm your worst day-dream!? This life must be run under Windows. Where is 7? Given the universe is infinite, and God is infinite, would you like a cheese crumpet? And now for something completely different... And now for something completely the same... OOOOB! This is more fun than a Disembodied Clown Head *(=D This is more fun than spontaneous combustion in sweden! (?) This is more fun than a subsidised subterranean salad dressing This is more fun than an Acryllic Igloo on stilts. This is more fun than the scenic route (not recommended for caravans or kitchen appliances) This is more fun than a Teflon Coated Bungi-Jumping Fishmonger yAY. This is more fun than a Pressurised Concrete Toothbrush. This is more fun than an Ecclesiastical Potato This is more fun than an Elastic Land-Animal. This is more fun than a Plastic Yodelling Bison. One day you just wake up and find yourself wearing a paperclip. One day you just wake up and find-out you ARE a paperclip. #include Would you could you in ? #define LIFE 42 We are not on Everest anymore, Sherpa Toto. We're not in STAR TREK anymore, beam us up Mr Toto. It's not Judgement day anymore, Toto 1000 We're not in Tokyo anymore Totosan otoT eromyna sdrawrof gniog ton er'eW We're not a reoccuring decimal anymore, Totototototo... We are many moons away from the tribe Cheiftian Toto We are far from mother Russia Totoski We're not in Jamacia anymore Toto mon We're not in Guatemala anymore Doctor Ropa-toto Wear noot in Scootland anymore McToto. We're not in Rome anymore, emperor Caesa-Toto. We're not in Medeival Norway anymore, Toto Totoson, son of Toto. We're not in the Himalayas anymore, Dalai Toto. We're not in Windows(r) any more Blue-Screen-of-Toto We're not in the X-men anymore Gambit-Toto. I don't think we're in Bev. Hills 90210 anymore Luke Toto Don't count your eggs before you scramble them. have a nice day (but a rotten morning after) Seeing is relieving Never underestimate the flavour of the sauce. Lend it, spend it, give it away (and charge outrageous interest on it) Always follow your heart, it maybe extremely painfull not to. Just Llama it A Llama is a Man's best friend. Thirst impressions last. Better late then nether-nether land. (?) People in glass houses shouldn't throw parties. One man's poison is another man's Ministry. Mind your manors. Never say die but ALWAYS say occbaifin! Never say dye. Never say &^*#^@$%!#$%*! Waist-knot want knot (granny knot) Strike now!, while the ion cannon is hot! Early to bed, early to raise a militaristic revolt against your dictator. The children are our Furniture. The best defense is a good picket de-fence. Play it again, spam. What you don't know can't sue you It's always quiet before the Mormans... (?) A penny in the bank is worth three in the Siberian Mollusk Exchange. Polar caps aren't to be worn inside Work is food for the sole You lie down with accountants, you get up with bad hair cuts and mobile phones. Herbs are an anomally in space and thyme They shouldn't have released you. There are two illusionary answers. They know, why don't you know? Oh look! a large one of those. Welcome to Hell, the lights flicker randomly for a reason. See that flashing line down there, KILL IT NOW!!! Why don't the voices ever stop? Are the spaces between speed-bumps called speed-flats? If money grew on trees would we be minting leaves? The road to enlightenment is often dark and foggy, and you may sometimes need a road-map, especially in winter... We're all actually little pumpkins wearing VR fooled into thinking we're human Destiny is an elastic rhubarb Don't trust eskimoes wearing liederhosen Don't trust anyone that can regularly spell lederhosen correctly That's the way the cookie gets completely mushed and stood-on. I hate grafitti, i hate all italian food! Life is a plastic chicken Snails don't step back. A Holiday in Sweden without a rental moose isn't a good idea He who controls the spice-rack controls the seasonings Death comes in 5 different flavours (2 with chocolate chips) Promote interspecies relationships, hug a lizard. If he asks you tell him a cow did it The Wind can wibber back Watch out for the Olaf collective Where does text go when you delete it? Few things are worse then death this is one of them Cherries are just embarressed grapes Rhubarb is just celery with blood pressure Beware of anything you can not eat! A Giant supercomputer slot machine called NED controls the world May the Copyright Lawyers be with you The green ones are posionous Stop that! you'll go blind Lie down before you hurt yourself Two wrongs don't make a right but 2 x/y coords do make a line! Text grafix *(=D are really the souls of dead comedians If lime green is green, is orange orange orange? If a byte is 2 nibbles is 2 bytes an entre'? (or 8 a four course meal?) Your mind needs low level formatting. Life is complex, it has a real part and an imaginary part.